She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
