I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
