you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
