Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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