YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
