I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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