She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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