we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
