My liver just broke up with me...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
