The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
only if we run a train.
done.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
