Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
