That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
