____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
