sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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