Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
