I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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