Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
