you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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