Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
