if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize