Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
