Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Randomize
