Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
