I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
