Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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