I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
