Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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