Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
