She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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