They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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