She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
