Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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