My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
