whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
