So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
