I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
