I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
