we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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