would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
