I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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