she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
