hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
