Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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