I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
