We're facebook friends in real life
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm at about main and main street
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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