At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
