fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I love you.
Bad choice
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
