I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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