Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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