im about as happy as oj after his trial
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
