dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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