Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
