I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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