he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
