i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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