So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize