I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
