On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
