Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
