Everything about him screamed your future.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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