sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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