Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize