the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
