I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
