the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
