There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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