Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
