I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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