I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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