So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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