If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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